Let us not get carried away with what pains us. In each moment, life takes way too long to mull over wounds and what happened. When you look back at it all, can you remember everything, or only certain moments and the rest a vague envelope of ‘it happened, but I would need something to help jog the memory of it.’ . I take the latter. Either way, the past happened quickly. The now and future take forever. So choose carefully how it’s spent.
Inspiration. That’s how I intend to spend mine, although the idea is tricky. How do you plan inspiration? You don’t. How do you know what the inspiration is for? You never know- although a good back up plan is always for words. An event happens, and nothing will be done from it or for it…a poem or short story can serve it’s purpose. After it’s written and proofread you can choose to share your piece, or burn the paper it’s writ upon. The pain, the happiness of it is transported from a feeling to artwork and nothing more will be asked from you.
I am taking a plan of action to change my life. For now at least, the cigarettes are seeing their last days, and the gym down the block will be my new hangout spot. I’m not going to lie to what readers I may have- I’m carrying a few extra pounds- but not too many that they will take long to shed. Ultimately I can handle being semi-fat. The working out is a form of self control to get my act together. Because where I’m at it’s a dark valley, and at its deepest part with me is the pain and regrets of my past. I’m just sitting in that valley. I need the self control to get out.
“Sometimes it’s harder to deprive oneself of a pain than of a pleasure.”
F. Scott Fitzgerlald, Tender is The Night
Ahnpe.
pursuitofhappinessly 